I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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