I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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