You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
