All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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