i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
