im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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