You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
