That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
