I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
