i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
