i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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