aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
