1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
