So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
