my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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