I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
