i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
