i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
