It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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