how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
