can u get pink eye on your cock?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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