I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
