Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
