Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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