First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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