Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
