We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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