I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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