I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I smell stomach acid.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
