Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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