pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
