Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize