I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
