Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
