How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
