Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
