phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
