he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
