cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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