So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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