Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
