We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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