You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
