His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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