Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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