So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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