Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
