Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
