return my video game
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
