real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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