actually, I'm a sock model
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
