Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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