it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
