dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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