In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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