three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
