Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
