The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
