I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
