So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
3 2 1 whiskey
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
