Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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