did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
