After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
