I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
