he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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