I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
