I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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