I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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