we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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