Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
