I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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