Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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