She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
