Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
