My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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