in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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