by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
