Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
