theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
