I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
