You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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