Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
