It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
