Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
