Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
