The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
