you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
