im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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