so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize