I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
