he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
